Weekend Blogging

Holy shit. Usually I have to sign in to access my blog. It's a pain in the ass, especially since I have to type in my full e-mail address along with my long-ass password.
Nope. Not today for some reason. I think the 'remember me' button actually worked for once!

Hi family. And friends. And lurkers, stalkers, assassins, and evil henchmen. I haven't posted for a while. I think I should post something today.

You all know me as a quiet, hidden man. Expressing my real intent, emotions, and thoughts is something I can rarely ever do in person. Usually I can only fully and freely express myself through writing. Hence one of the reasons I hate phone calls so much. I can't communicate the way I want to on a phone.
I have kept so much hidden inside of me my whole entire life that the real me inside is quite possibly barely similar to the full-time mask I have to live with.

Here's a quick emo moment folks, as I explain a little.
In the past, living in my household, I was taught early to suppress my creative and wild side. Emotions and ideas were not supported. In fact, if I didn't conform and act as a broken child, I would have made life on myself and my mother far worse than it was.
It's only natural that after a life-time of wearing a mask and keeping my feelings hidden, that as an adult I am unable to fully express myself.
Many of my qualities and traits, such as my basic ethics, compassion, heartfelt honesty, and my other virtues still shine through, despite my attempts at blending in and disappearing into the crowd. If I'm unseen, I can't be attacked, right? well, that used to be my belief.

Since I was 16-17, right before I moved away from home for the first time, I've been slowly trying to heal myself. My stutter is all but gone, I can look strangers in the eye and have pride and courage in myself. I can state my opinions and beliefs and be strong enough to maintain them. I can kind of feel happiness, and possibly hope, for a better tomorrow now.
I have really shaped myself into a better me. I'm still learning how to fully and safely feel my emotions. I can be considered borderline psychopath material, if it wasn't my strong ethics and feelings that keep me from straying.

I have a lot of hidden things to say one day, but it's hard to actually reveal certain things about myself.
I've joined a community where I took a leap and shared some sensitive facts about myself with a group of people I simply love and respect.
I think very soon I can tell you all some important facts about myself, including some of my future goals and beliefs.

Until then, let me sort through my own thoughts and reveal bit by bit what I feel that I can.

So much to tell, so little faith and trust...
It's easy for others to accidentally reveal little tidbits of sensitive information which can somehow land in the wrong hands and come back to bite me in the ass.
Even my own family...

Secrets! Secrets! I have lots of secrets!
Heh heh. ^_^
I'll share some of them soon enough.

Hugs and kisses family. See ya soon.