Honesty

Today started off kind of bland, being a Monday and all. My head was full of a negative vibe, and it didn't go away until after my first coffee break this morning. But once it did, wow. Days much better now.
First of all, okay, I'm FINALLY going through my girl-phase. I'm only now beginning to notice other girls, all around me. Crazy times, for sure, but as pretty as other girls can be, I have my sights and thoughts dominated by just one woman. Still, I'm looking at other girls now, and WOW. Wow... ^_^
Had a safety meeting at work today regarding Noise. Noise. That was it. Noise. We learned about hearing ranges, decibles, danger zones, a bit of ear biology... We spent an hour at work, learning, about NOISE... ~_~
This up-coming Thursday, us Sherritt yahoos will all be having a BBQ at work. We'll get to enjoy a long 1 hour lunch break, for free, courtesy of Sherritt as a big thank you for not blowing up the plant during our last and most recent shut-down. I'm terribly happy that it's on a Thursday, because the last Sherritt BBQ we had, Jamie had to miss it, due to her having a day off for school. She'll be able to go to this one.

Yesterday, a Sunday, I went for my first hike this year down by Ross Creek. I just decided to randomly go for a hike. I found on my travels an old bone, but no surrounding body or anything. I kept the bone. There were a bunch of dead trees knocked down, leaning across the creek in places, so I decided to climb over them. Lost my shoe on one, so I climbed shoeless down onto the bank, found a long stick, and saved my shoe with primitive fishing techniques. Yay!

I sent an e-mail to my dad, basically going WTF to him. There's this online user, named Caena, that just randomly added me a few months ago. I always thought it was a guy, who met me on the forums. He kept talking about my dad, telling me that my pops showed off my picture to this guy. The way Caena was talking, with broken english, and his/her incessant, almost needy messages, I really believed I was dealing with a stalker. Some old, east Indian male stalker.
My dad sent me a phone call, explaining that Caena is actually some woman about my age. He's trying to set me up... ~_~
Now, no offense to my pops, but I fail to see how a guy who's stuck on the past, has had two marraiges, and hardly knows his own son except by through his blogs and a few close moments in the past can understand what it is that I'm looking for.
If Caena is a werewolf queen of some dying tribe that somehow needs my rare blood from the dying Zorn bloodline to propogate a new batch of kits, then I can understand the need to hook up with her and mate. However, I am already in love, very much so, and although I'm SURE that Caena is a pleasant enough young woman, I just somehow don't feel that it was meant to be. I have told Caena that I will agree to get to know her better, and will even possibly try to make friends with her, and see if anything develops out of this. Who knows? Maybe my dad isn't so dumb and actually found me a good one. But I will certainly not rush this, and even if she is a drop-dead gorgeous bombshell that needs my genes, I want sooo much more in a woman that just that.

Still going on about Sunday. I gave mum a good massage, and my trouble sister Samantha, who is staying back at home with us, I gave her a foot rub. Sam and I get along great. I can talk to her like an older sister, and we have a lot of 'girl talks' together. I actually listen to her boyfriend issues, and personal problems, and we have fun, laugh and giggle together. It's even good to note that Jamie is getting along with Sam, for the most part, and that so far things at home are rather stable.
Stephanie came back from her Jasper trip with her school, bringing back, thank god, my camcorder, intact. She made lots of videos and pictures, but the battery died on her. I'll be sure to bring my battery charger with me when I go on my B.C. trip this summer. That is, if I haven't creeped out my Aunt Laura and family by some of my more shocking revelations in my blog.

Saturday. A most important day.
I was feeling heartstrung. All morning long. I wanted to stay at home, to be with her. But more importantly, I wanted to talk to someone about my feelings. Important people.
I went with Laurie from 10am till about 4:30pm, when her shift ended, as her 'co-pilot' while she went cabbing all day long.
Mum and I had some VERY interesting talks...
I told mum, from my own mouth, that I am not a virgin, and who my first was. She also knows that I was very young when she deflowered me. My first, Virginia, a childhood best-friend.
I talked to mum about some of my old, secret agendas, plans, and stuff.
Most importantly, I told my mum, that I am in love with Jamie.
I talked to her, explaining that, just my luck, of all the girls in my life that I had met, who I could have, right now, that the ONE girl I want... The ONLY girl I want, lives in my own house. I told her how grateful I am that I was able to have met her in my life, and how much she's inspired me, inspired me into wanting to become a man and to even care about myself again. Mum listened as I told her everything I love about her, everything about her that drives me crazy, and how amazing a woman I know she is.
You know what the most surprising thing of all is?...
Laurie took it all with surprising ease, and in fact, seems to approve of it. I have told a few people about my feelings for Jamie. Samantha, Stephanie, Tony, Chris, now Laurie, my aunt Laura, Rinni, and my old and very close friend at work, Doug. Every single one of these people have been supportive, and has in fact encouraged me to tell Jamie how I feel. They all seem to accept and approve of my attraction, as strange as it is. 'You're good for her.' 'You'll make her happy.' 'You will help her reach her dreams.' 'You'll never hurt her, and you two would compliment each other well.'
I have my own mother talking to me about my feelings for Jamie, and she even believes me when I say that my attraction for her goes way beyond mere physical. She tells me that if Jamie and I were to hook up in the future, to know that I have my mums support, even if Kim disapproves.
Laurie told me something. Her and Kim have often talked about Jamie moving out, and about how awesome it would be if the two of us got a place together. What the hell, right? O_o

Whatever. I can't even express how much gratitude I have for not being horribly cast away by my mum for revealing this to her. Rinni kept telling me how common it is for step-siblings to develop feelings for one another, and, because of marraiges, been frustrated and unable to explore them.
I have been told I have a liberal mind, for being open minded and willing to change things for the better. I hope one day, things that deny honesty and happiness in our world will disappear. If I can slowly make change through my writings online, then so be it. I have already touched many lives, through my creativity and honesty.

One day, soon, I will take a great chance in my life. I will talk to her, and tell Jamie, how much and how deeply I love her. Whether or not she accepts it, whether or not she has feelings in return, I must tell her.
I have many doubts, as the way she flirts with both Shawns, and even Tony, my brother, throws me off. But she flirts in a different way with me, and not all the time. Instead, I get to enjoy the serious side of her, the womanly side, and also her playfully and creative side. I wish I could enjoy it much more, as I love being open and creative around her as well.
Well, we shall see, soon enough.

Jamie liked the deep red shirt I wore on Saturday, said the colour suited me. The way she looked at me, and how she said that...

Night folks.
P.S.: Only hook me up with the supernatural ones!!!!2eleventyseven!