Feeling Better Already

Oh man.
Waking up was not fun.
My throat... Felt like a scab had formed inside, where I been coughing the worst. A horrible feeling, for sure.
But... I feel much better now! ^_^ So no more sad talk about how sick I WAS. Best to think of how much better I'll feel after tomorrow.

I feel a little relieved.
Rinni, the Australian lass I talk to, hasn't gone into hiding. She hasn't talked to me for the last two days (nights), so I was a little worried. Maybe I had said something to piss her off. [Shrugs]
I dunno. I can easily say the wrong thing at the wrong time, especially online.
However, I'm talking to her right now. I know it's all good.

Shawn Harding talked to me today on MSN, and it wasn't about WoW (thank god).
Him and I, well... I kinda ruined our friendship that we had. I drifted away from gaming, and we had little else to work together with. The fact that I'm in love with the same girl that he likes is also problematic. Knowing that he can make her laugh and smile much more easily than me annoys the hell out of me. Also, the fact that I've always been more of an outcast hermit makes it hard to open up fully with friends for long-term relationships. My lack of trust or fear of hurting others ruins friendships from the start; I just never can keep them maintained.
I'm glad I can still talk to him, and that we aren't fighting. It's just... I dunno. I wish that things were different. Him and I both have rough backgrounds and troubled hearts. So it's sad when I read his blog. He needs his chance at happiness, and me, well... Let's just say that maybe I don't deserve to be happy, after all. I had my chances to say how I felt, and I still can't say how I feel to her. If I cared so much, why can't I just do it? No, I know it probably will never come to be. I don't even know how she feels about me in return, not clearly, so I can't even make a good guess at how things might turn out if I suddenly revealed my feelings.
I know it would upset Shawn to no end, especially since he's known her far longer than I have. He's been to school with her, seen her grow up as her very close friend, and watched her go through challenges that I completely missed out on.
Me? Well, I've only noticed her about a year and a half ago. She started to mature in attitude and personality, into this fabulous woman who has every attribute that I've been looking for in a woman. She has that gritty past, full of hurt and shame, and yet she rises far above it, striving for her dreams. Her wit is sharp and insightful, and her laugh is still innocent and full of spirit. She's drop-dead gorgeous, and she can be very mature when she wants to be. And playful, always playful...
Look at me. She just talked to him on MSN, and she seems happy now, knowing that he'll contact her through cell phone text messaging. I couldn't make her happy...
She's sleeping in my bed right now. She hasn't done that since a month before Christmas. She's skipping work tomorrow, because I got her sick. I'm sorry Jamie...
I'll let her sleep here. I won't even crawl in next to her tonight. Let her have her rest. (And no Shawn. I have never seen her exposed, never 'copped' a feel, nor have I had any form of sex with her. I love and respect her too much to do those type of things to her, despite my powerful feelings inside.)

I haven't heard from Aunt Laura for quite a while now. Not on Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter. I hope she's doing okay. I have no real means of communication with my family in B.C., except for actually traveling out there and talking to them face-to-face.
I hope she gets a hold of me one day. I miss her.

Anyways, it's getting very late, so I better crash for the night. I'll have to wake up early and call the boss, letting him know that I'm skipping yet another day of work.
Later peoples. And lotsa luvs.