The moon is pretty tonight...

It's the first quarter, two days before the first quarter crescent. The moon is waxing, growing, not quite at the quarter mark.

I was born on the dying moon, the waning moon, under the last crescent. exactly 2 days after the last quarter to be precise.

Using an Ephemeris, anyone can calculate the moon-stage they were born under. Some methods are more precise, but generally they're all the same.

What's the point of knowing what moon you're born under? Why, some shamans or druids can divine what role in life you must follow by observing such primitive astrological observations.

I'm born under the crescent moon. Automatically that gives me a path related to that of a shaman. The cold sliver of the moons watchful eye represents the curious peek into the unknown. It's the narrow crack of light that illuminates the unknown. The crescent moon is the path of a mystic.

Now, I was born under the dying moon. The waning moon. That means such power is not natural or easy for me to use. In fact, it suggests that in my life, I must use great effort to shape or bind the spirits to do my bidding. If I was a witch for example, it would mean that my power wouldn't stem naturally from me; instead I'd have to seek and forcefully bind it to me.

Born two days after the last crescent of a dying moon. Only the moon stage matters, but having even more negative connontations to my already auspicious moon sign suggests even more of a dark or hidden path before me.

Now, how does this fit in with my life? First of all, I do not have 'cosmic magical powers'. Instead, I am 'gifted' with high levels of empathy, imagination, and commitment to family and friends.

It would appear with such qualities as these that my role in life is that of a healer, teacher, and advisor. Hence my fondness and fascination with Druids and neo-paganism, wicca, druidry, healing, herbalism, leadership, storytelling, crafting, art, community, tradition, and lore.

My moon sign makes me a healer with a darker path. Although I don't seek out darkness, my path to healing is on an unsteady and uncertain road. My path is mysterious and untraveled. Perhaps I'm the future advisor to a rebel, or I use forbidden methods to heal others, or my tales are full of warnings instead of happiness. Maybe it just means that as a healer myself, I need the most healing of all. Or maybe it means that as I continue to lead and advise my peoples, I myself am the one that needs to be led.

If I had been born under a growing moon, perhaps I would feel 'bubbly' and 'happy', merrily healing and righting the many wrongs in the world with ease. Maybe I could discover the mysteries of life more easily, and use them to benefit mankind as a whole.

But, I was born with a dark twist in my horoscope, and as such I work from the shadows, tending to the wrongs when I'm able, healing what I can, doing the best I can do for people while trying to go unnoticed.

I do delve into forbidden areas in real life. I get urges to seek out knowledge that maybe I shouldn't learn. I peek into the darkest areas of the internet, looking at peoples lives, looking at their problems, using the knowledge to gain better understanding and insight into my own life and my own problems.

I know how it is to be hurt by people. That knowledge gives me the skill to hurt others. Knowing how to hurt others gives me the power to heal others. I would much rather heal a person than hurt them. I would rather heal myself, rather than go unhealed. I know how to hurt myself, now, I must learn how to heal myself. The path of a healer is a hard one...

I feel better after my walk to 7-11. I spent some of the last remaining dollars of mine to buy a coffee and some Spitz. Feeling the cold wind against my face and seeing the moon behind the hazy clouds relaxed me a little. I still feel a great rage inside of me. I feel the cumulation of all of my troubles ebb and flow within me, trying to beat it's way out. I took a deep breath, and shouldered the pain. I will heal myself, and I will create an improvement in my life, very soon. Right now I must wait, helpless, and start slowly. I can deal with the stress, and if I start slow and steady, I can wade through the messes I made in my life and find my path again.

I don't even know why I'm writing about all of this. I do know that it's calming me down, and I feel a lot better at the end of this post than I did at it's start.

I don't regret my mistakes that I made in life. I do however, wish that I could fix many of them. Mistakes are how I learn. I'm a unique person with a very strange and unique outlook on life. I'm kind of a pioneer for people like me, and my bumbling mistakes pave the way for future dark-healers and storytellers.

I was born dying in a dying era, under a dying moon. The umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck, choking me at birth. I was anemic as a child, sick and pale and very weak. Constantly bullied at school, demeaned by step-family and broken in spirit. Afraid to speak, afraid to dream. Shunned for my differences, and never accepted. I indeed walked a dark path, and only my dark thoughts gave company to my lonely self.

As I aged and matured into an adult, only after a lifetime of putting up with the pain and taunts of countless outsiders, did I finally earn the respect of my peers as a patient and noble man. I finally carved a place for myself in the world, and was hailed as a gentle poet and visionary. People finally respected me for being myself, and since then I've been happy. I enjoy my happiness, far more than the constant loneliness I was forced to endure my whole life. Recently, having a piece of my happiness taken away, having my beautiful life threatened and scared by financial and social disturbances... These events have shaken loose a powerful rage that I've held within most of my life. I can write about it now as I've cooled off to an appropriate degree. But just half an hour ago, my entire body was shaking with my wrath. I have suffered enough, and I want it to end. I have tried my best to heal myself, but this time the healing must be done by an outside force.

I think I should just go out for a hike and learn how to scream. Just simply scream, and learn how to release my rage in a safe manner that harms no-one. I was always taught to bottle-up my emotion, and hide my feelings from others. That's terribly unhealthy, and even I know this. It's time for the healer to heal.

Role-playing helped me overcome my stunted social development. Storytelling and my writing helped me discover my hidden dreams and free-thinking again. Socializing taught me how to trust and love others as dynamic and important people. Now it's time for me to find a way to vent. Blogging helps, but I'm not satisfied. Maybe I could be one of those guys who mails comments to the local paper, expressing my opinions on matters at hand. Or maybe I could just walk nude with a sign down the highway chanting slogans and opinions at the world.

Whatever. It's a cold night here in Fort Saskatchewan. Even though the clouds are out and blocking the sky, I can still see the moon.

The moon is pretty tonight... Maybe I'll go howl at it for a while.