Career Choice?

I'm thinking Massage Therapist.
I wonder...

A few more months of frustration, then I'll apply for a stupid student loan thing, then maybe I can do it.
I dunno. I'll have to do some research.

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A better day today. At least in my neutral mood I can play and be jovial at times amongst my co-workers. I hate winter. This season is manifesting terrible depressions in us all.

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I looked in my backseat, and found Shawn Hardings cellphone. I'll run it over to his place today. I have no idea if he's in Bruderheim or here in the Fort. He has two places to live. I'm sure he's missing his phone right now.

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Damn molar that was chipped broke a little today and a part of my old mercury filling fell out. It doesn't hurt, but even if it did, I know how to rip the damn thing out. I swear, I'm the only adult anywhere that has two baby teeth left.
Wedged between two adult molars, and kinda wedged in like a keystone due to the slight inward arc of my jaw, these two damn things have no where to go. Doctors don't want to pull them, since their absence will result in the shifting of the rest of my teeth behind them.
Screw that. If I have to, I'll rip this one out, just like the last tooth that broke on me. Bit by tiny bit.

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I'm getting my left nipple, and possibly left ear lobe, pierced after Christmas this year. It's my Christmas present request for the family, one that they can afford.
It's crazy, it's different, and if I don't like it I can pull out the rings and let the holes heal over.
I don't care if it hurts or not, it's something I've secretly wanted for quite some time now.
So... yeah. That's what's gonna happen to me physically.

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Today I was working at Sherritt inside the Water Treatment plant. The vessels that filter out the water use a special resin that looks like sand to help purify the water. This sand is made of a material similar to silica, and looks like tiny glass beads.
Anyway, my job today was to remove this crap from the tanks and put them into barrels for disposal. Sometimes the resin can be cleaned, but this stuff was too grungy and old to re-use. At $1200.00 a barrel, the 8-9 barrels for the one vessel I cleaned out adds up to a lot of money.
I pumped new shit into the empty vessels, and loaded up the old crap onto pallets for shipping to deal with.
A dirty, wet job, involving pumps, buckets, barrels, brute strength, and a little patience. For physics lovers, we use a Venturi-style pump to pump the crap out.

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I'm just waiting for Jamie to shower, so I can clean up.
She's going over to Owens' place, some womanizing guy I work with at Sherritt.
She's gonna go have a few drinks with him, then play a Playstation game in his hotel room, which is right above the bar.
Yeah right... :P
Jamies' a smart kid, Owen... well, he's one to keep your eye on. I'm sure his thoughts are racing to the dirty spectrum even now. But, what can I say? It's her life, and she can handle herself.

He wants her to go with him up north to Fort McMurray, or something, to make loads of money.
Not me, nu uh. I'm not going north, ever, if I can help it. Even if Jamie specifically said lets go get a place together up there and work here for a year, I would still say no. I couldn't do it, too many assholes and crazies up there.
I'm gonna stay right here, get some things sorted out, pursue some kind of skill for a job that isn't what I'm doing right now, and try to build my own life. It's hard, knowing that everyone I know has their own agendas and goals, and that my goals are on a path that will not be filled with other travelers. But I do have to keep what values and ethics I have alive. I can't go up north where selfish, greedy bastards all live and grind away their youth, just so they can have some sort of materialistic goal in the near future.
How could anyone go to a strange city, with no friends or support, and work their asses off and think they can be happy from it?
Is that any different from where I am right now though, I wonder?

I could handle being a therapist, healing people with my compassion and skill. My spare time could be spent on my artistic pursuits, and I could live a somewhat comfortable and lucrative life out of it. Then maybe after I have my skills, I would consider traveling to other places for work. As it stands, I have no industrial skills to offer the places up north, nor do I want to offer my skills and body to the meaningless industrial corporations up north.

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I dunno. Some say that you can be your own worst enemy at times. I agree.
Letting fear, doubt, and worry keep your from living is a crime.
I try very hard to rise against it, and many days I succeed. But this weather! Dark, gloomy, cold... Especially at Christmas, where so many are full of problems... Problems! At Christmas! Jeez, if only we could all just dump them for a month, and just enjoy the season! Heh, I'd really love that.

I read my E-Mail horoscope today. It said something important in it that got me thinking.
''Starting today, Jupiter spends an entire year in your 5th House of Love and Play. Although romance is possible, there are many ways to increase the level of enjoyment in your life. Remember, though, you must be ready to have a good time in order for this to happen. If you believe you deserve a bit of pleasure and are willing to extend yourself, anything is possible. ''
The part that caught my attention was the ''If you believe you deserve a bit of pleasure and are willing to extend yourself, anything is possible'' part.
I wonder, do I think that I deserve to feel pleasure? Do I deserve to feel happy?
I thought hard on it. I think somehow I believe that I don't. Not at all.
The reasons why are elusive, some ideas are easy to see. I know I've done some really rotten things, not just petty vandalism or thievery, but really rotten and serious crimes that if I were to do them as an adult, I would surely be singled out. But beyond that, which I can live with those past mis-deeds by the way, are various reasons that all seem to add up.
Why don't I believe that I'm worthy enough to deserve feeling happy? That's a mystery that I need to work on. Maybe if I solve it, I can find a way to break it and keep it from hindering me ever again.

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Meh, shower should be ready soon.
I should post some of my favourite links soon, so you guys can check out what interests me.

Later peeps, I'm dirty, cold, and I need to clean up.