!!! n_n

Jamie cut her hair! Squeeee!!!
I'm glad that she's been nice and friendly again the past few days to me. It's weird, it comes and goes. She'll go for weeks at a time where she'll ignore me, then all of a sudden, smother me and everyone else in Jamie-power!

Anyways, since Jamie is going to some wedding with Harding, she wanted to look nice. She asked me to take her to her salon, so I did, dropped her off, and did my thing for a bit.
I come back, and... Blam!
She runs out, beaming, looking very feminine and happy. The sucker she stole, that's right, STOLE, made her look like a young teen. Damn...

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Talking to my dad again. There's no hard feelings between us. I just managed to upset him and trigger a big depression faze for him. His other sons won't call or talk to him. Me, while I do retain contact, don't enjoy phone calls or long conversations. I find it hard to just bullshit and talk about my life. That's why I blog, to get all my pertinant details out in the open.
I wish my dad Mike would stop feeling like he let us down. The past is gone, and we all need to move forward. It's okay, that things didn't turn out 100% perfect. Imagine if things did though. Would I have turned out the way I did? Would I even appreciate a 100% perfect life? A few hardships and disappointments in the past were necessary to let us all appreciate what little we have, because what little we have is more than enough in quality.
I want my dad to find a way to become happy. I want him to forgive himself, and find a life for himself. He should not live with regret, since regret does little to fix the past. Instead, it only drags it out. It's like dragging a dead cat around long after it died, just because you miss it. My dad has a wonderful woman, a home with space to do his thing, opportunities to enjoy his years with people that love him. He has at least one of his sons who, despite being a 26 year old man, manages time to include his pops in on it. 2 great dogs, a lot of memories, and room to make lots more. Just because I'm not with him doesn't mean that his life is over or put on pause. Mike MUST do some soul searching and figure out what it is that he can do that will make him happy again.
See, I love my dad. I hate it when he's sad, and mourns over the past. I certainly got over it, and am too busy struggling with the NOW to worry about those long lost days. He did what he could, considering the circumstances at the time, and everyone turned out fine in the end.
I want to hear about what he's doing to make himself happy, or improve his life. I want to hear him about his plans for trips, or for improving the house, or how he enjoys walking his dogs, and the funny things they do. I never get to hear how Maryannes kids are doing, or if his business is doing well, or if they plan on taking a course or something together. All I hear is 'I miss you, I regret the past, and I'm sad'. Please, PLEASE, work together and figure out how to make yourself happy. Take a Tai-Chi course together, buy a bicycle, go help out at a church banquet or something, and meet people. Find something to do in your life to at least give you a tiny shred of happiness, so you can tell me that things are gonna be okay with you. After a lifetime of suffering, don't you deserve to get a little bit back?

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At work yesterday, I thought of something. What if I do become a massuese? I considered also being a Reserve for the Armed Forces on top of that.
It'd be perfect! I could do my indoor job, and get called away on weekends for training. Massage Therapists have long bookings with people, and being pulled away for a job with the Forces would be easy, since a booking could always be delayed and post-poned.
That way I wouldn't be limited to just one thing, I'd have my variety, and wouldn't feel trapepd like I would if I was a full-time Armed Forces kind of guy.

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Today Shawn Harding and Jamie are going to a wedding. Shawns cousin or whatever is getting married, so the two of them were invited to go.
Shawn is dressed sharply in a tailored black suit, and Jamie is smoking in a suit of herself, that has a white blouse and dark pants, and strap shoes. Sexy!
The two of them just left a short while ago. I let Shawn borrow my camcorder. So far Steph, Sam, and now Shawn has borrowed it many times. Good thing I bought one.

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What am I doing today? Well, once I get my camera back, I'm 'sposed to make a nude photo of myself for Caitlyn, since she sent me one of herself. I like my piercing and short hair right now. Looks 'right' on me.

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So, yeah...
I've been meaning to explain to Jamie about my feelings for her. I know I don't have a chance, especially since my situation is so weird, but I do want to clarify some things.
I above all else, want to let her know that even though I am hopelessly stuck on her, that we can get along together, without feeling weird. I'd love to still be her friend and be allowed to be her big brother. I definately don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me. It's not like I am aggressively pursuing my attraction or anything.
Who knows? In a few years, when she's hooked up with someone, we can look back and laugh at this time in my life. That's what I want. Jamie is a super dude, and I want to be involved with her life like I am right now, as a good close friend.
The only trouble is, that right now in my life, I can't get her out of my mind! Gahh!!! ^_^
I love you Jamie, as a brother, close friend, and a whole lot more. Let me continue to be so, and I'll continue to encourage you to be the best that you can be: yourself.

Anyways, enough posting for now. I gots laundry to do!