Mittlewoche (Midweek)

Day two and counting. Jamie is staying at her dads house right now, and is most likely not coming to work this week.
She's already told Kim and Laurie that she's planning on quitting her job, moving in with her dad, and going back to school.

On the plus side, every day that she's been away, she's called our house, and asked specifically to talk to me. I told her that I love her on day one when she called. I told her not to feel bad for wanting to improve her own life, and that I'm not disappointed that she wants to quit her job out there. I explained that I want to see her grow and be happy, and that getting her High School Diploma is very important, not only for her, but to me as well. We had a nice long talk on the phone. I wish we could do that more often.
Today she called for me again. She sounds simply terrible... She told me now she's kind of 'iffy' about moving in with her dad, and that she might stay here at my place for a while longer. However, I'm pretty sure that she'll still quit her job at Sherritt. As long as I can still be a part of her life, and talk and see her every once in a while, I'd be a happy camper. Really. She fills my life with joy when she's happy.

Jamies mother, Kim, is going a little batty right now. It's bad enough that she's a full time alchoholic. She's currently fighting with Dale, a 50-something year old ex-Hell's Angel friend, because he's going through some hard times, and expects Kim and Laurie to buy his beer all the time for him. Kim is very upset, that now all four of her children are apparently leaving home. The two boys of hers lives with her ex-husband, and now Jamie is talking about moving in with him. Samantha, who can't come home until she apologizes for stealing and disrespecting her drunk mother, is staying at one of her school friends houses.
Kim is, quite literally, a nut house right now. A life time of her stress, plus the apparent 'desertion' of her children, and her own social life problems, have all added up. She's just laughing to herself all day today. Laurie, my mum, says that Kim goes for some councilling next week.

Me, well, I feel much better after talking with Jamie. Also, Stephanie has been recently aloof to everyone. I just reconnected with her today.
However, with family issues, and now Kim is going a little crazy, and added stress and worry...
I'm not gonna let it bother me. If Jamie quits Sherritt (thank God if she does, th place is not good for her) I may just nose-dive into my own career change.
At the Dow Centennial Centre (the new sports-plex building) is a massage/physiotherapist studio. I've been eyeing that place for some time already. I might apply for a job there, maybe help them run the place and clean up after their work is done, and learn from the source what it's like to be a massuesse. Or, I could just do a desperate fling, get a large cash advance on my credit card, and pay for schooling right now.
I need a little more time. I want a little more time. I know I want something better, something I enjoy doing and something I'm good at. Right now, RIGHT now, isn't the best time. But I can feel it coming soon.

Feels like my depression is lifted. A simple phone call can work wonders, as long as it's the one person you want to talk to. However, right now, without her I feel a big void in my life. Stephanie can give me the love and comfort I need, but not the extra love and the extra comfort I seek.

Rinni, my Australian friend, has been very kind and supportive over the last little while. Thank you for being very patient with me, my sweet dear. I forget that there are others who are important to me as well, and when I'm depressed like that, I tend to go blind in those areas. I can only see the strongest light in my life, and yet, I'm still surrounded by a sea of stars, who continue to shine daily. Only, their light is often hidden behind the glow of brighter stars. Still, you all continue to shine and offer me light to find my way, should I seek it. Thank you.

So, basic summary.
I am a nut, who is in love with his adopt-a-sister, Jamie McDavid.
I am too scared and shy to tell her so, in the fear of scaring her away, even though I should know better that she most likely feels a little, if not the same, way back for me.
My two mums are both going through their own relationship struggles, and right now, with Kims nervous breakdown, things are a little tense at home.
It's extremely cold and msierable outside, and everyone is sick, thus adding to the stress. Plus, all of my jobs are outside jobs right now.
My truck, for some reason, lost it's battery. I got the dimensions for a new one today, now, I just have to wait a day or two before I can get my money and buy a new battery. Until then, I'm walking to work. ^_^
My friends rarely talk to me anymore, and even if they did, we wouldn't really have much to talk about, except for 'Hey, that girl you've been trying to get your whole life? Heh heh, yeah... I'm in love with her too' type of thing. My other friends are never on MSN or the other chat systems, and their schedules and lives are completely separate from my own. Other work friends are turning out to be sleazeballs, and the few truly good ones that I have regular contact with are all absent from my life, due to this recent outbreak of the flu.

I'm tired of being down. I was, for a good chunk of today, in a really good mood. I posted on Rinni's super secret RP site today. Now, I just have to wait for her to get up (crazy Australian timezones) and make a reply or something.
Think I'll go snuggle with pig-pen (Steph) for a bit. I'm just waiting for Jamie to come on over for some clothes. She's got a bunch of mail here. Oh, I also have to get her to fill out her time card, so she can get paid for the many days that she actually showed up for work this month.

Okay pig (pig-pen), I'm comin' up to tackle-glomph you!
Later guys and gals. Tomorrow (or later) should be a much better post, and an even better mood.

Mukade

It was -47 degrees celcius today after the wind chill. Definately a hazard right there.
Jamie and I have been battling our sickness for over a week now, and haven't quite gotten over it yet. She had been to her dads house the day before, and together Jamie and John were talking about today. She was told, rightfully so, that it wasn't really legal for us to be working today in weather like this, and that she should take today off.
Naturally she was concerned, not just for her health, but the fact that we could all get in trouble if we went to work today.
She asked me this morning to talk to our employer, Gary Sharun, who has always been a grubby little asshole for as long as I've known him.
I asked him this morning if, with the weather and all, we should even bother to go to work today or not.
As soon as I started talking, he turned on his slick used-car-salesman oil, and started blatantly trying to manipulate us into going in anyways. I knew this would happen, and I also know that regardless of the rules, we still have to get our job done today. I ended up disappointing Jamie by agreeing to go into work today. She felt like she had to go in too, or else she would get into trouble for missing work.
I had one more opportunity to stay at home this morning. The drifts of snow had surrounded our vehicles, and our roads weren't plowed. Even in 4X4 I had trouble getting out of my spot. I could have easily said 'fuck it' and stayed parked, but I tried one last move with my truck, and was able to sneak onto the road where the drifts weren't so bad.
I should have stayed at home today, and made Jamie happy. I'm sorry Jamie...

We both froze our asses off at work. Even the walk from the parking lot to the security centre was hell: I had no toque and she had no gloves at the time. We were, after all, JUST driving to work and not expecting the frost bite factor to be so bad. We're Canadians after all.

The snow today was extremely difficult to move. Very thick drifts plus very dense snow made for very slow shoveling today. A spot that takes less than an hour to do with two people on it took nearly three hours to finish, and that's without doing a top-rate good job on it. We shoveled together for 2 hours, from 5am to 7am. We had to have two warm-up breaks just to survive.

Jamie then got pulled away to go man-watching today. An outside job, exposed to the wind, immediately right after getting all worn out and sweaty from shoveling. Man-watching means you have to stand there and suprervise people working in potentially hazardous or dangerous situations. Standing around in one spot outside in winter... Your heart rate slows down, your breathing slows down... Basically it turns into a battle with yourself, you trying to stay comfortable and alert at the same time.
If Jamie hadn't shoveled this morning, she would have stayed dry, and maybe had a chance to endure the next 8 hours of freezing hell that she put up with today.

Me, I shoveled all day long. Drifts as high as my chest, and 5 times as long as my body. Gotta make those sidewalks and never-been-used doorways clear. I turned into a plow-machine today, me and my body grinding away at endless fields of snow and waste. Fun.
The air was so cold, and full of frost shards, that my lungs were having one hell of a day today. My throat and lungs are filling up with my own natural body secretions, and the cold air makes your body produce more of it. Plus I work like a mad-man. I couldn't even keep up with my spitting/nose-blasting to keep the fluid out. I was almost drowning on my own flem.
I managed though, all day long. I have to do the same tomorrow.

All day long, I've been depressed. The weather started it. Then it was Jamie, who I worry constantly about. Her worries about the legal side of coming in today versus her own face value to her boss is something I have to monitor.
She was so upset, that at work she said she's been thinking about quitting for some time now. She plans on quitting, moving away fro me to go live with her dad again, and finish her High School education. I'll support her education, but right now she's upset because all of her dreams of being on her own and independant are yet again put on hold. Worse still, she's gonna move away, and I won't be able to visit her at her dads house. I don't think anyone else there likes me anymore. Chris, John, and Richard all live there, and I'm sure they're glad that they're no longer around my part of the family, with Kim and Laurie.
I'm upset with myself too. First for not comforting Jamie by staying at home or standing up to the boss, but also for not being the one who can keep her happy. I am the oldest guy in our household, and have I yet proven to be a man yet? Not at all. I have yet to make a problem go away for our family, or cheer everyone up, or even set the pace for self improvement. I have not been a leader when it comes to life, nor have I really done anything important at all for anyone else, except maybe pay the rent once a month. I haven't been able to make myself happy, or even tell the woman I love how I truly feel about her. I'm stuck yet again in a dead-end job, where the most important person in my life is struggling and scared, and I have yet to motivate her or myself to make something better of ourselves. At least she's thinking about getting her grade 12 diploma now. I had nothing to do with that.

Jamie catches a ride home with one of our better work-mates. She and I were going to get a donair after work, but she had something important to discuss with this older guy. Jamie and I both adore and respect this guy named John from work. He's really cool.
I went to my truck and tried to turn it on. Nothing. It turned a few times, then the battery just quit on me.
I grab a work truck, drag it over, and get ready to boost my own vehicle.
On my trucks battery, on the terminal, is a split, and battery acid is spewing out the top of my battery. I was sorely tempted to hook up the booster cables anyway, just to get the damn thing to start. However, a battery explosion I could live with, freezing quickly to death on the cold ground is something I can't do.
I radioed the boss, asking if I could take a truck home. He said I could borrow the crappiest truck he owns. I WAS going to go buy a brand new battery. With what money, who knows?...
However, that one truck he said I could use was dead. I turned off my phone, said a loud 'fuck you nigger' to the wind, and started walking home. Typical. I can borrow garbage and shit, only to have it fail me as well.
Halfway home I got picked up from a co-worker who stayed a little late. Feeling miserable, I almost declined the ride, even though my face was past numb from the wind.

Got home, dumped my crap off, and almost exploded at my family. Actually, I almost burst into tears. There's a lot on my mind. Moving out, my own schooling, work, Jamie... Mostly Jamie. My depression was sticking it's ugly head in my face, and I couldn't stand to share that with my family.
I tried a hot bath, and a quick nap after work. I'm in a mad/numb state of mind right now.
For dinner, we had Hungryman T.V. Dinners. Blech...
Potatoes that don't heat up, my chicken nugget thing stuck in my baked dessert, corn mixed in with everything... I wasn't impressed.

I watched Jamie play my Resident Evil game for a minute before going for supper. She then turned it off, and is not hanging down here tonight, despite my best efforts at pretending I'm not upset at all.
Watched one episode of C.S.I. before deciding it was for the best if I just disappeared into the basement once again, out of sight where I belong.

I wonder if whenever Kim and Laurie get into a fight and break up, if any of Kims kids will ever want to come over here again. The only one of her kids here right now is Jamie. I wonder if Laurie and I would even stay here. It is, after all, in Kims name, this place.

So, feeling like a big failure, I've been contemplating some things today. I almost seriously want to pay off all of my bills and then cancel all of my accounts/subscriptions. Free of bills and obligations, I would then disappear somewhere, maybe to go find work, or just merely to disappear and wait for an untimely demise. Change my name, never see my family again, try to start from scratch. I'm not suicidal, but after how bad I felt today, a 'work place accident' doesn't sound so bad. I don't want to be remembered, I just want to 'fade away', and no longer be the anchor or obstacle that I often feel that I am.
I can't lead or be the man, I can't be ambitious enough to grow positively, and I surely don't love or care about myself and others enough, or else I would show it better and more consistently.

I wish I was ambitious like all the other men at work, so maybe I could start a better future for myself and for others. I wish I had pride, or shame, so that I wouldn't allow myself to settle for the situation I'm in. I wish I never fell in love, because it's been the source of much of my pain and thoughts. I wish I was tough, so that my own feelings at work and my own weaknesses wouldn't affect me.
I wish, I wish, I wish... But there seems to be no 'I will', or, 'I am' in my sentences. It's all just 'wishful' thinking, nothing more. There's no 'I promise' or 'I did' either. There is only nothing. Nothing.

Sunday Bloody Sunday

It's cold as hell today. Blech.

Today I pretty much sat around and did nothing. Until it started to piss me off.
So... I got off my own ass! ^_^ Outside into the frigid wastelands I braved, all alone, to do just a few errands.
Warmed up my car, shoveled the three feet of snow that drifted in on us this weekend. Drove across town, gassed up my truck, and went to my bank.
For some odd reason, the banks doors were open slightly. I made sure to close them after I went through, just in case. Don't want any zombies to get in...
Paid 400 bucks on my credit card, since I have no reason to save up my money anyways. May as well pay it completely off before I go.

Watched some clips from Silent Hill the Movie today on YouTube. Despite what I heard, at how crappy the movie is supposed to be (from non-gamers) what little I've seen so far has actually pleasantly surprised me. Here I can see that the directors have followed closely to the gaming consultants and actually was able to capture the look and feel of the game itself.
I'm trying to con the family into renting it for me, since I has no money! ^_^

Jamie went in to work today. When she left, and for how long, I have no clue. I knew she was expected to go in for a few hours today to shovel snow at the plant. I also know she's supposed to visit her dad today.
She's taking him out to Red Lobster for his upcoming birthday. She's taking him, and maybe her biological brothers, Chris and Richard, if they commit and make their reservations now.
So, I'm hoping that she's staying warm, taking lots of breaks, and will maybe come home briefly before she disappears for the rest of the day. Since I'm still dressed, I'd even be willing to pick her up from work. Actually, even if I was taking a bath, or sleeping at 2am in the morning, I'd swiftly go to her side if she called for me. She doesn't ask for help often, and I know that when she asks for help, she really needs it or wants it really badly.

I'm still getting over my cold, and while I'm not constantly dieing like I was before, this nasty little bugger is persistent and still very annoying. It's hard to lie down beside someone without coughing. I do feel a lot better though, still extremely weak, but my mood is definately not down.

Oh. I sent the love of my life a private e-mail finally. I don't reveal exactly how much that I love her in this one, but I do strongly hint at it, all the while telling her that she's special and wonderful to me. I most importantly tell her that I love her, and that we should talk together more intimately more often.
I wonder if I'll go through with my plans for Valentines Day... Hmmm...

Thanks Aunt Laura! n_n

Thanks for e-mailing me again. I was worried that maybe I had upset you, or worse, we were beginning to drift apart again.
I never get to see you guys, and the short time we stayed together was unbelievably good for me. Our private chats, you and I had, were really really good. You helped me help myself by letting me just vent, and explore my own emotions. Your unconditional love and support, especially since we only really met and connected for such a short time, has been absolutely wonderful. Just what I needed in my life. An awesome friend and loving family member all in one.
I don't expect us to have daily or even weekly chats, but I do want you to know, all of my family to know, is that I'm glad that everyone whose read this blog so far has been there for me, and will continue to be there for me, even if I drop a few more bombs into the open.
But not today... I have to clear up some other details before I can let go of those first.

I got my 13 inch switchblade in the mail today. It's friggin huge! For me even to say that...
I love it. Jamie's twin set of blades is puny next to mine. Muahaha!
I, uh... I cut myself opening it for the first time...
The blade swings open, and is double-edged. The tip of the blade raked across the back of my left hand, so it looks like I have a nasty cat scratch on me now. [Is totally embarrassed]

I have a total of 4 personal videos uploaded on my YouTube site, the ones from my spring vacation to B.C. with Mike and MaryAnne. I tried to upload a fifth one, but I got a wierd error that day. Something about my file exceeding my total allowed space or something. So I'm stuck with just four. Not so bad, I suppose. I'll find a site to put all my old, and soon-to-be future, videos for you all to see instead.

Jamie just called our own house, just so I would answer it. She did it just to tell me to come upstairs, and ask me a question. Unbelievable! (And yet, it's happened before...)

I'm talking to Shawn on MSN. Kinda. He seems kind of distracted, so I thought I'd just update the ol' blog.

I never got to work on my hentai stories!!! Guess being sick takes away the ol' motivation.
Oh, lol, speaking of hentai...
I, for fun, decided to measure my own (yoo-hoo!), because, really, what guy hasn't?
I am, (feel free to avert your eyes, I am a pervert, after all) ahem, I am 6 and 3/8th inches long, and 1 and 5/8ths inches wide.
According to a site, the avergae size for a white adult male is 6.22 inches (what the hell!? How'd they get a .22 in a fractional system?). Guess I'm normal. I've been told I take after my own dad though, so I dunno what 'normal' is...
However, I still apply to the shrinky-dink rules, meaning if it's cold out, and I'm not 'alert', then I'm as tiny as a 6 year old...
[Blushes] Oh whatever!

I tried accessing Rinni's personal website over the past few days. Today, I finally made it.
Had to use a Proxy server to get there though. Seems my internet service doesn't allow full access to the internet after all. A Proxy server is a site where you go to bypass rules, and keep your identity 100% secret and private.
Rinni is an awesome woman, and I can't say much about her, except that she amazes me as much as Jamie does. I have many private chats with her, and for an Australian, she's really very cool and special. A typical online chat with her lasts over an hour.

Anyways, I can't talk late tonight. I'm going back to work tomorrow, even though I'm not fully recovered. I just can't stand day-time T.V. anymore...
Peace. A.B..

Feeling Better Already

Oh man.
Waking up was not fun.
My throat... Felt like a scab had formed inside, where I been coughing the worst. A horrible feeling, for sure.
But... I feel much better now! ^_^ So no more sad talk about how sick I WAS. Best to think of how much better I'll feel after tomorrow.

I feel a little relieved.
Rinni, the Australian lass I talk to, hasn't gone into hiding. She hasn't talked to me for the last two days (nights), so I was a little worried. Maybe I had said something to piss her off. [Shrugs]
I dunno. I can easily say the wrong thing at the wrong time, especially online.
However, I'm talking to her right now. I know it's all good.

Shawn Harding talked to me today on MSN, and it wasn't about WoW (thank god).
Him and I, well... I kinda ruined our friendship that we had. I drifted away from gaming, and we had little else to work together with. The fact that I'm in love with the same girl that he likes is also problematic. Knowing that he can make her laugh and smile much more easily than me annoys the hell out of me. Also, the fact that I've always been more of an outcast hermit makes it hard to open up fully with friends for long-term relationships. My lack of trust or fear of hurting others ruins friendships from the start; I just never can keep them maintained.
I'm glad I can still talk to him, and that we aren't fighting. It's just... I dunno. I wish that things were different. Him and I both have rough backgrounds and troubled hearts. So it's sad when I read his blog. He needs his chance at happiness, and me, well... Let's just say that maybe I don't deserve to be happy, after all. I had my chances to say how I felt, and I still can't say how I feel to her. If I cared so much, why can't I just do it? No, I know it probably will never come to be. I don't even know how she feels about me in return, not clearly, so I can't even make a good guess at how things might turn out if I suddenly revealed my feelings.
I know it would upset Shawn to no end, especially since he's known her far longer than I have. He's been to school with her, seen her grow up as her very close friend, and watched her go through challenges that I completely missed out on.
Me? Well, I've only noticed her about a year and a half ago. She started to mature in attitude and personality, into this fabulous woman who has every attribute that I've been looking for in a woman. She has that gritty past, full of hurt and shame, and yet she rises far above it, striving for her dreams. Her wit is sharp and insightful, and her laugh is still innocent and full of spirit. She's drop-dead gorgeous, and she can be very mature when she wants to be. And playful, always playful...
Look at me. She just talked to him on MSN, and she seems happy now, knowing that he'll contact her through cell phone text messaging. I couldn't make her happy...
She's sleeping in my bed right now. She hasn't done that since a month before Christmas. She's skipping work tomorrow, because I got her sick. I'm sorry Jamie...
I'll let her sleep here. I won't even crawl in next to her tonight. Let her have her rest. (And no Shawn. I have never seen her exposed, never 'copped' a feel, nor have I had any form of sex with her. I love and respect her too much to do those type of things to her, despite my powerful feelings inside.)

I haven't heard from Aunt Laura for quite a while now. Not on Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter. I hope she's doing okay. I have no real means of communication with my family in B.C., except for actually traveling out there and talking to them face-to-face.
I hope she gets a hold of me one day. I miss her.

Anyways, it's getting very late, so I better crash for the night. I'll have to wake up early and call the boss, letting him know that I'm skipping yet another day of work.
Later peoples. And lotsa luvs.

I'm sick!!!

Nasty chect cold going around people. Some kind of super-bug.
And I gots it.
If I'm not careful, I could easily get pnumonia from it.
So, I may be taking Jamies advice, and staying home from work tomorrow.
The funny thing is, though, that while my body feels like crap, I'm in a relatively good mood today.
Wierd...

Jamie went to her bank after work today.
Her card and account were locked and frozen after one of the ATM machines that she visited was found to be set up to steal peoples accounts. Luckily the automatic protection features kicked in, and froze multiple peoples accounts before any harm could occur.
So I booked it after work, racing along to go to her bank before it closes.
...She forgets her wallet at home.
So I speed even faster home, she gets her wallet, and then I piss her off. Slightly. I take a short-cut onto the other street by driving down the sidewalk. It was just a little sidewalk! O_o
Anyways, that's all good now. She made it in time, got a new temporary card, and has to wait until later this week for her actual card.
Phew.

I'm writing hentai stories for my porn forums. I'm an excellent writer. Unfortunately, my art is too dirty to share with my family for now, so haha!
That's where I met Rinni, my Australian girl buddy. I talk with her everyday online. She's an awesome person. I can't wait to chat with her tonight.

Anyways, I'm drinking Buckleys cough syrup straight, and it feels like the back of my throat has been scoured with emery cloth. My chest muscles are bruised and sore, and I feel like I'm dieing.
Lol, whatever. Love ya people. I'll update later.

Moms birthday was on Saturday (or was it Friday?...).
Laurie is now like 47 I think. Good son I am, no?... ^_^
We all tried going to a Christies' restaurant, but were turned away at the door. Too many people, they said, and they wouldn't accomadate our crowd of a family. Ouch.
So we left. We went to Boston Pizza instead. Even though it was early, it was still very busy (Saturday in Fort Saskatchewan, go figure...).
We eventually got a seat, where our waitress asked everyone, except the Birthday gal Laurie, what we wanted to drink. She disappeared before we could even say anything.
When she came back, and we started ordering, Laurie was extremely rude to the waitress. ''Everything better be perfect, since it's my birthday, and I'm paying for the meal'' was basically what she huffed at the waitress.
Before we even got to the restaurant, Kim, her mate, tried to convince us all to get expensive Chinese food takeout instead for Lauries birthday meal. No thank you. Everyone was adamant about it. Oh, also, Kim nor Laurie had any smokes, and Kim was on a mini-freak-out over that fact. Not that it would matter. Laurie can't smoke in her cab anymore (she had her work car for the evening, to drive us around), and smoking in any public place of business is now against the law in Alberta.

Regardless of Samanthas absence (more on this later) and everyones snarky attitude at the start, the meal progressed nicely.
Service picked up, and the huge crowd suddenly diminished by nearly 7 tables at once, it seemed. The traffic was cut in half for sure in the restaurant, and we got more attention.
Tony and Steph ordered pasta with chicken or other meats, Jamie ordered some wierd chicken meal, Kim I have no idea what she ate, and Laurie and I both had the same thing. Sirloin tip steak topped with scallops and prawns. Only, my steak was bloody and rare, whiles hers was charred to a crisp, as requested quite rudely by her. ''This steak better be perfect. If there's any red or pink in the middle at all, I'm gonna raise shit'' is basically what she said again. Lay off the caffiene momma...

I had brought some pencils and pens, so Jamie, when she started to get comfy, started drawing on some napkins. She drew me eating a steak whole, my face with the steak dangling down past my chin from my mouth. Cute and classic. Then on the same side she drew Steph and herself. Herself eating salad like a pig, while Steph in the picture was looking at her oddly like a snake watching a demented bunny rabbit.
I still have that napkin. I save any oddball artwork that Jamie makes for us. It's important, to me.

The meal was drawing to a close, and both girls said they were full. However, Jamie started to ask me if she could have a nibble from my steak. Smiling, I looked at her and said of course, and hand-fed her my own meal, in front of Kim and Laurie.
Stephanie soon took in on the action, so I fed her as well. Laurie was grossed out, not because of the fact I was doing something intimate and loving with her daughters, but the fact my steak was dripping red juice onto my plate, and was more red than pink on the inside. We three just laughed as we watched her squirm.
I won't ever forget feeding the girls. I would do that more often if I could. I have a very intimate side, and would gladly snuggle and cuddle with those two anytime they asked. I snuggle with Stephanie all the time, in fact.

So the meal ended, the girls bought Laurie a cake from Safeway, and we rented five movies. I watched two movies in a row, something I almost never do anymore (Steph was cuddling with me the whole time, so I think that's why I stayed)!

---

Stephanie recently broke up with her boyfriend/fiancee. Steph is only 16, and is already wearing aa ring.
Her boyfriend is 7 years older than her (Hey, I'm 7 years older than Jamie...), and he doesn't seem to want to spend any time with her.
He thinks a guys role is simply to go to work and come home to their woman. That's it. No cuddle time or love, no romance, nothing. Sheesh.
Stephanie is like me, in the fact that she doesn't care about money or how much stuff you own. All she wants is him to visit every day, and to talk more often, and discuss important things like feelings.
When Steph broke up with him, I let her cuddle and talk with me in my own bed for several hours. I discussed all that I could about her relationship with her. Then I comforted her, and when she felt better, took away her stress with a very nice massage.

Today, two days after the big break up, he apparently has decided to make up with her. He came over and sat on the couch with her for nearly two hours. Not much talking, but lots of simple holding and together time.
Man, Steph needs a man like myself. One who listens, talks to her, and attempts to understand her issues.

---

Today I hanged out with Steph and Jamie for a little bit in the morning. Jamie ended up going to her dads today for a visit, while Steph just waited for her boyfriend/fiancee to show up.
Me, I bought the girls some food today, stripped down to my pajamas, then ate with them. Then, I had to get dressed and run to the store for something. Then, after stripping, had to run Steph over to the Dow Centennial Centre. THEN, after stripping, I had to go pick up Jamie from her dads house. Gah!

Steph and I hanged out at the Dow Centre for a while, hooking up with one of her friends. We had a Booster Juice, then went home. I let Steph drive me home, and to the 7-11 store, and she doesn't even have a Learners Licence yet! ^_^
(I'm sooo bad...)

---

Anyways, regarding Sams absence from our home. Well, basically, she left/got kicked out. Kinda-sorta.
She said something VERY disrespectful about her mother to one of her bratty friends, while her mother was in the next room! Her mother spazzed, and yelled at Sam. Sam just yelled back, and it turned into a pissing contest.
Sam said she was leaving, and Kim told her not to come back unti l she could apologize to the family. Oh, Sams also been stealing money and the mums pot out of their room.
Sam is doing what Jamie did as a young girl: turning into a young hellion. Sex, drugs, booze, rebellion...
Jamie at that age faced a whole town and network of people who contacted Kim and Laurie when they caught her doing wrong things. Jamie eventually smartened up because of it.
However, they're doing nothing to curb Sams behaviour. So, Sam is just getting worse and worse, and her parents don't seem to care.

Jamie told them that she was moving out if they let Sam move back in. I'm not saying anything. Jamie knows I'm here for her if she needs me, and I'm staying on my toes right now, ready to act if I have to.
However, it's very unlikely that Sam will want to come back, so I don't see that happening yet.

We have to lock our house down when we leave now. It's like we're keeping her out now. I'm against it, since I still love Sam, but those are the parents rules. Sam can't come into our house unless one of the mums is at home to talk to her. Period.

---

I was going to talk about something else right now, but I completely forgot. Oh well.
Love ya family, friends, and other peeps. Cya!

Crazy Australians

I forgot to finish my post on last Saturday!
Oh well. I went back to Johns for some drinks. Jamie did NOT want to go, since she wanted to stay at home and play MY Resident Evil 4 game. Heh heh... ^_^
Ah well. As much as I wanted to stay at home and chill with her, I wanted to see John again and visit some more. He's super awesome!
Owen from work and Tammy from work went there. We free-loaded a meal and I played Guitar Hero 3 for the first time ever. I drank a hot apple/rum/cranberry cider all night long. It was great!

Anyways, that's the conclusion for last Saturdays post.

Updates for this week so far. I got through to Cigi from work, on Facebook. She has some photos of me and Jamie from work on her phone. I have almost zero pictures of myself online, and even less of me all dolled up. I need her pics. She says she'll drop off her camera to me at work tomorrow.

I came oh so very close to telling Jamie everything, of how I feel for her, and all that stuff. However, she had a sudden mood shift at work today. Her damn tendonitis is acting up on her again. I think revealing to her that her step-brother loves her and all that would have just upset her during that time at work, especially with her pain.
Once I learn a little more, maybe I'll convince her to let me massage her ankle/leg/and foot area to help relieve and channel away some of the pain. Get well soon, kiddo. Cuz I love ya. More than a friend and adopt-a-brother.

I'm talking to a super cool person from Australia. She's shy and crazy and outgoing. Wierd, huh? She's been a great friend on one of the forums I harass every day.
I won't use her name yet, but she and I have been talking about lots of things. Taboo subjects, feelings, etc.. She herself has a strange life and situation like I do, and we have a few things and interests in common. I really like her, and from our live conversations so far, she thinks I'm pretty cool too.
She's telling me that Jamie probably already knows how I feel for her, and she is probably just waiting for confirmation on how I feel, so she can make a decision.
God! I just want to slam my head into the wall! I'm fighting myself. Yes, I'm horny. Yes, I'm a nut! But, I also genuinely care and am attracted to her, her spirit, her personality, her dreams, goals, fears, and everything else. I can fight with her, feel bad, care enough to want to change, and make things right again.
She motivates me, inspires me, to want to make my future more than just another dull day of being the family slave. She makes me want to make my own life, to be on my own, and to be happy. I want to have her be happy with me, though. To hold me, and cuddle together on rainy days. To say goodbye for work each morning, and give a super big tackle-glomph when we gget home again. I have fun playing with her, joking around, being serious... I don't think I'll ever learn everything that's special about her, even if I see her every day until the day I die. She truly captivates me. Every detail in my day-to-day life reminds me of her. Coveralls at work looks like her from behind, the 7-11 store in the morning where she used to work, her friends and family, her smile and laugh. How she flirts all the time, and is shy the rest.
Truly I'm hopeless. ^_^

Gah, I made my Aussie friend late for work. Lol, she and I were talking right now.
She wakes up for work about the same time i start to head off to bed. At 10 pm-ish. That's why I been staying up till 11, and being tired at work in the morning, lol! All from a girl (many girls in my life).
Apparently our conversation was once again too interesting for her to keep an eye on the clock. Poor crazy Aussie girl, with auburnish-red hair...

K, later peeps. Bedtime.

Still Saturday...

So, I did go out with John and his family...
I went to his house first, and he only lives just a block away.
He has a nice place. Too spacious though... After living at home, where every available space is squeezed into usable room, I easily note at how much wasted floor space he has in his home. But oh well!
He showed me his old army pics, where he served as an army mechanic (he's now 40 years old by the way), and him and I had a shot of orange cream liquor mixed with baileys. Good stuff.
He has two girls, and a boy, all of them younger than 9. They had a friend over. He tried to organize the whole crew to go out for skating, but he apparently lacks organizational skills, so I could only laugh as he fumbled around as a parent.
We all piled into his truck, and he dropped the ketchup on the frozen driveway. It blew up, and we all laughed at him. Heh heh, not very nice, were we?

He took us to a not-so-far-away acreage, where his kids grandparents lived. The skate rink was just a pond that they made in the summer, just a large man-made pit in the ground. Full of water already, froze nice and thick.
I drove a quad down there, that had a snowblade on the front. I tried clearing the snow, but couldn't really handle the ice that well. His wife took over after I got myself unstuck from a very slick section. Had to use body weight to shift the quad the right way for the treads to get enough traction to move.
We and the kids all skated and played with hockey sticks and pucks for a bit, and even though I didn't have skates, I still had fun. It was a nice warm day, the sun was bright, and the ice wasn't melting.
However, John got a phone call on his cell to go and manwatch at Sherritt. I didn't really want to be left alone out there with his family that I just met, so even though he said I could stay, I just asked to be driven home.

After John is done work tonight, he's gonna call me up to come over to his place for a bit again. I'm gonna try hard to get Jamie to tag along too.

K, Saturday isn't over yet, so I'll finish this posting off later. Cya!

Saturday

Today I'm going out with an older co-worker and his family to do some ice skating and a warm-up party at his house after.
The guys name is John, and he's a really decent guy. He's our substitute crew leader when our regular one calls in sick at work. Other than that he's just an average grunt like the rest of us.
Jamie and I were gonna go, but she ain't feeling so hot today (she looks fine to me...), so I'm the only one of his non-family members going.

Last night I watched Resident Evil 4 getting played until I just passed out on the floor for no reason. I was tired from a long 10 hour shift, and a few vodka/7-Up drinks in me. Yesterday was the first time in two years, my first time since returning to Sherritt, that I had to Manwatch people at work. Boring... I almost fell asleep at work doing this, in-between waiting for the guys to actually start and enter the confined space doorways.

So, not much to report. Just the same old stuff that I keep posting about in my blogs. Me being too shy to get the girl I want, me having to wait for a little more time to pass and a little more money to add up in my pocket, me still living at home... That kind of stuff.

Anyways family, love ya all, and I'll update on todays activities later. Cya! ^_^

We played a game...

The other night, we played a game, the three of us.
At Boston Pizza. Me, my brother Chris, and my sister Jamie. I came up with it.
''Name something you hate about each other'' game.

I told Chris that I hated how he is always so cocky, especially when he shouldn't be. His pride and cockiness gets him deeper into trouble, especially in situations like emotions that require tact and subtlety to manage.
I also told him I hate how he has utter disdain and lack of respect for authoritive figures, especially those figures who seem to constantly make mistakes and go against Chris' goals. Including the two 'moms'.
Chris told me he doesn't really hate anything at all about me. I may have pissed him off many times in the past, and he was royally mad as a brother, but in reality I seem to have nothing worthwhile for him to mae him hate me.
I guess I was a little disappointed in his answer. I wanted him to hate me for a reason. Guess he either cares too much for me, or he doesn't care at all.

Jamie... It was hard to say anything at all involving 'I hate you' to her, 'cause I really don't have anything resembling hate for her at all, but I told her that I hated some things about her. I told her that I hated how she stays so secretive about her emotions, and how she rarely ever opens up, even for people as close to her as me and her closest brother Chris. I also hate how we all watch and know how she struggles alone, and she has so much pride and fear in her that she doesn't ever want to ask anyone for help. I told her that she could eventually reach all of her dreams, but doing it alone would be harder. A lifetime of obstacles and delays in reaching her dreams could leave her at the point that whenever she realizes them, she would maybe no longer care that she could do them or not.
She said a few things that she hates about me. She hates how I lack confidence and courage. She also hates how I let my depressions consume me. Hey, I hate them too, lady. It's just a part of who I am unfortunately.

Those two did not say to each other what they hate about each other. I would imagine that they're pretty much the same things I stated earlier. I'm fortunate to be so close with Chris and Jamie about their feelings. One of the best things in my life is them considering me to be a good friend AND a brother. I love them both. I really, truly do, and I'm glad that although my life has been through a whole lot of wierd twists and turns, that I was able to meet up with them.

Chris is exactly the kind of guy of whom I'm not. He's brash, cocky, and full of pride and energy. He's a natural manipulator and a womanizer. However, lately, he's been settling down and maturing a little.
Did you know he works in a high-end fashion shop? Yup, he sells clothes to the town, making a flat hourly rate plus a commision on whatever he sells. On top of that, he gets a %50 discount on whatever he buys there.
However, for all our personality differences, we also have many areas in which we are the same. He likes the same things I like, he also has his secret personality, a quiet and reserved personality, nearly identical to mine. Him and I get along very well, for some reason.

Oops, gotta cut the blog short tonight. I could go on and on about Chris and Jamie, but unfortunately, I have to follow a schedule like a normal person and go to bed tonight.
Night folks. Sorry for the short update. ^_^