Tomorrow (Friday) after work our company is having a staff Christmas Party.
It isn't really anything too fancy. In reality, we're all just going to the bar together to have a good time.
I'm looking forward to it. My crewmates are all so unwilling to open up at work, so it's a good chance to break down their walls.
I have a 'date' for tomorrow. It's a MAN.
Now, hold on. Don't get too excited. Owen is his name, and I invited him to come because he's pretty cool. He works on our crew, but he's from a different company. Since our party is G.S. Landscaping only, I asked if it was okay to bring a date. The boss said I could bring a friend if I wanted, so I chose a fellow worker. How nice was that?
Heh heh. Some of you are breaking out in a nervous sweat I bet. I can only imagine the thoughts in your peoples heads (only because mine are so dirty as well). But I assure you, as cute as Owen can be (for a 26 year old, dirty-blond haired boy) he is far from ideal. Too emo, and too much false bravado when he's in a good mood.
I plan on beating everyone at pool, using my elite skills from the past to win every game (oh yeah... [Flexes]).
I'll get to hob-know with the boss, and chat freely with the crew, and practice opening up and having fun in public.
I've begun extreme changes in my attitude, trying very hard to loosen up and enjoy life. I'm too serious, too restrained. I want to be able to shrug off my noble mantle once in a while and just act like everyone else.
So far I have made significant changes. It's not readily apparent, but I can joke and speak in public easier now, I can actually use small-talk (even though I tend to kill it by dragging non-interesting tidbits into my conversation), and I'm trying to smile and work on face and body posturing more.
It's a slow change, but one I'm willing to work at, bit by bit. Just adjusting my attitude by thinking positive instead of rolling with whatever mood fits the situation has actually helped. I feel better at work and around others.
Oops. It's later than I thought. Time to crash folks. Cya.
O_x
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Inspirational Music
A Criminal Mind: One of my favourite songs by Gowan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEmCsu4c9dI
Society judges too harshly, making criminals of us all. I have a criminal mind.
Cry Little Sister: The Lost Boys soundtrack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVnSGXvYK20
Dark songs with angsty goodness. I love the main chorus in this song. Has a special meaning to me.
Guilty Secret: Chris De Burgh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnLXH4NalDg
Applies to entry #2 above.
''He doesn't need her, the way that I need her. He doesn't love her, the way that I do.''
Man, I love these lyrics.
Ja ja... More updates are coming. I'm in a happy mood today, so I felt like posting for once.
Anyways, it's late. 2 more days of work, then I get a weekend. Woot! ^_^
See ya friends and family. Peace out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEmCsu4c9dI
Society judges too harshly, making criminals of us all. I have a criminal mind.
Cry Little Sister: The Lost Boys soundtrack.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CVnSGXvYK20
Dark songs with angsty goodness. I love the main chorus in this song. Has a special meaning to me.
Guilty Secret: Chris De Burgh.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnLXH4NalDg
Applies to entry #2 above.
''He doesn't need her, the way that I need her. He doesn't love her, the way that I do.''
Man, I love these lyrics.
Ja ja... More updates are coming. I'm in a happy mood today, so I felt like posting for once.
Anyways, it's late. 2 more days of work, then I get a weekend. Woot! ^_^
See ya friends and family. Peace out.
Feelin' Good
-ast night me, Jamie, and my brother Tony had a much needed talk for once.
In our house, having an open and honest discussion can be a very hard thing to do, especially on some topics that involve change or personal feelings.
For some time now we've been planning (plotting) in secret many of our goals and plans. Tonywill be moving out with us in the spring, away from the oppression at home.
-Kim and Laurie seemunhappy because they have to constantly worry about their children, and boyfriends in the house, and the constant mess... Remove those problems, and maybe they'll be happy for once. Or maybe they'll realize that the reason they're unhappy is because they have issues of their own to sort out. Hopefully when they're on their own, they can bond together and sort out their mess.
I'm kind of doubtful about having Tony as a roommate, but if Jamie says she can handle him, then so be it. Especially since Tony has a girlfriend. What if she gets pregnant, or they fight, or make love too loudly... [Blushes]
I can see potential problems in the future, and I'm sure that Tony would love HIS own place, but he also has never really moved out on his own before and been responsible. It would be a great learning experience for him (and Jamie) to be on their own for once in their life.
I'm pretty sure that this time when I leave home again I'll be able to survive a little longer than before. Jamie, Tony, and I all three do not smoke, nor do we do meth or drink at home (maybe once in a blue moon, just the drinking part).
Jamie and I are solid, we rarely fight (but we have fought, kinda half-heartedly). She's a great buddy, wonderful 'sister', and someone I adore and respect. I treat her as an equal at work, and although I'd like to say that I would treat her as a man there, I can't. I still fret and worry whenever she gets put into situations that I don't like, like forced overtime and scary work locations. But I also realize that she's a strong woman, and that she can take care of herself. I'm glad she asks me for help now and then. It's good to see that she needs someone to lean on time to time, and that she isn't always an invincible rock.
Tony and I scrap, but never seriously. If he gets all serious on me and tells me to 'fuck off' I respect that. I don't push him around, he's my bro. I treat him as an equal and a very good friend. He's gonna finish his schooling, and then find a job. He's had enough hardships and rough times over the years. I want him to have an opportunity for the happiness and freedom that we're going to be working together for.
Tony and I are much closer now, especially since he's no longer the monster from an old divorce crying for attention. He has matured in ways that I can hardly explain, but he is going to be an outstanding man one day. He is compassionate and gentle with those he cares for, yet very aloof and uncaring for 'outsiders'. I can best try to describe him as 'Hyde' from 'That 70's Show'. He's a good guy, and I love him more as an adult because of his maturity and personality.
Jamie is a little too shy and seemingly not yet ready to embrace womanhood, but she's almost there. She has a strong goal in her sights, and the will to reach it. I am truly envious. Her personality is upbeat and full of life, and when she needs to be serious, she does so with a fierce sternness that I rarely see in others.
Me, I have some goals in mind, but nothing really career orientated. I know I want to be happy, do many of my hobbies, have room to do my stretches and excercises, and be able to do what I need to do without any guilt, conditions, restraints, or people in my way.
That chat last night refreshed the reasons why I'm working so hard, and the fact that we're all still committed to see it through. I was doubting whether or not I would still be wanted as a roommate. I can be downright gloomy at times, and self-defeating. However, when I'm happy I can be an amazing person. I think they both realize that. They know I won't wreck their lives or ruin their plans.
They both have friends that can make them laugh, or keep them constantly amused, or can offer rides and favors. Me, all I can offer is everything I have. My friendship, my strength, my comfort. I can offer them a chance to reach their goals, and a dependable person to live with who won't desert them in their hour of need. Plus, I leave the toilet seat down (Tony doesn't, lol).
I can't wait! ^_^
In our house, having an open and honest discussion can be a very hard thing to do, especially on some topics that involve change or personal feelings.
For some time now we've been planning (plotting) in secret many of our goals and plans. Tonywill be moving out with us in the spring, away from the oppression at home.
-Kim and Laurie seemunhappy because they have to constantly worry about their children, and boyfriends in the house, and the constant mess... Remove those problems, and maybe they'll be happy for once. Or maybe they'll realize that the reason they're unhappy is because they have issues of their own to sort out. Hopefully when they're on their own, they can bond together and sort out their mess.
I'm kind of doubtful about having Tony as a roommate, but if Jamie says she can handle him, then so be it. Especially since Tony has a girlfriend. What if she gets pregnant, or they fight, or make love too loudly... [Blushes]
I can see potential problems in the future, and I'm sure that Tony would love HIS own place, but he also has never really moved out on his own before and been responsible. It would be a great learning experience for him (and Jamie) to be on their own for once in their life.
I'm pretty sure that this time when I leave home again I'll be able to survive a little longer than before. Jamie, Tony, and I all three do not smoke, nor do we do meth or drink at home (maybe once in a blue moon, just the drinking part).
Jamie and I are solid, we rarely fight (but we have fought, kinda half-heartedly). She's a great buddy, wonderful 'sister', and someone I adore and respect. I treat her as an equal at work, and although I'd like to say that I would treat her as a man there, I can't. I still fret and worry whenever she gets put into situations that I don't like, like forced overtime and scary work locations. But I also realize that she's a strong woman, and that she can take care of herself. I'm glad she asks me for help now and then. It's good to see that she needs someone to lean on time to time, and that she isn't always an invincible rock.
Tony and I scrap, but never seriously. If he gets all serious on me and tells me to 'fuck off' I respect that. I don't push him around, he's my bro. I treat him as an equal and a very good friend. He's gonna finish his schooling, and then find a job. He's had enough hardships and rough times over the years. I want him to have an opportunity for the happiness and freedom that we're going to be working together for.
Tony and I are much closer now, especially since he's no longer the monster from an old divorce crying for attention. He has matured in ways that I can hardly explain, but he is going to be an outstanding man one day. He is compassionate and gentle with those he cares for, yet very aloof and uncaring for 'outsiders'. I can best try to describe him as 'Hyde' from 'That 70's Show'. He's a good guy, and I love him more as an adult because of his maturity and personality.
Jamie is a little too shy and seemingly not yet ready to embrace womanhood, but she's almost there. She has a strong goal in her sights, and the will to reach it. I am truly envious. Her personality is upbeat and full of life, and when she needs to be serious, she does so with a fierce sternness that I rarely see in others.
Me, I have some goals in mind, but nothing really career orientated. I know I want to be happy, do many of my hobbies, have room to do my stretches and excercises, and be able to do what I need to do without any guilt, conditions, restraints, or people in my way.
That chat last night refreshed the reasons why I'm working so hard, and the fact that we're all still committed to see it through. I was doubting whether or not I would still be wanted as a roommate. I can be downright gloomy at times, and self-defeating. However, when I'm happy I can be an amazing person. I think they both realize that. They know I won't wreck their lives or ruin their plans.
They both have friends that can make them laugh, or keep them constantly amused, or can offer rides and favors. Me, all I can offer is everything I have. My friendship, my strength, my comfort. I can offer them a chance to reach their goals, and a dependable person to live with who won't desert them in their hour of need. Plus, I leave the toilet seat down (Tony doesn't, lol).
I can't wait! ^_^
Monday, December 3, 2007
Tired and sore, tired and sore!
Okay. I conned the boss into not making me work on the weekends if it snows. That part is taken care of. (Heh heh heh...)
However... I still have to wake up two to three hours early if it snows.
Today I worked another 11 hour day. As long as my time is spent shoveling, however, we don't get overtime for it. It's a wierd contract thingy that goes away whenever we spend extra time actually on the plant doing non-snow removal activities. Meaning if I were to stay late and do anything but snow shovel, I would earn overtime. If I'm shoveling, it's just straight time.
I just deposited my first cheque. $1693.07 is what I made in my three weeks so far. Not a lot of money, but it's better than nothing. I guess I'm making $17.00 an hour regular time. Not too bad. I could be making a lot less.
I'm gonna talk to the boss and see about getting an automatic deposit set up. I find it really inconvenient to drive across town to a bank that's closed at 4pm. Since I made my deposit at the insta-teller machine, I have to wait (possibly, said the message...) up to 5 days for it to process. It's teh suxxorz...
So, it's still snowing, light poofy stuff, and it's been doing it all day long. Meaning I have to go to bed soon and wake up early again, to do the entire plant tomorrow. After snow shoveling, I can join the on-site crew and do on-site crap, making overtime if I stay late.
Later folks.
However... I still have to wake up two to three hours early if it snows.
Today I worked another 11 hour day. As long as my time is spent shoveling, however, we don't get overtime for it. It's a wierd contract thingy that goes away whenever we spend extra time actually on the plant doing non-snow removal activities. Meaning if I were to stay late and do anything but snow shovel, I would earn overtime. If I'm shoveling, it's just straight time.
I just deposited my first cheque. $1693.07 is what I made in my three weeks so far. Not a lot of money, but it's better than nothing. I guess I'm making $17.00 an hour regular time. Not too bad. I could be making a lot less.
I'm gonna talk to the boss and see about getting an automatic deposit set up. I find it really inconvenient to drive across town to a bank that's closed at 4pm. Since I made my deposit at the insta-teller machine, I have to wait (possibly, said the message...) up to 5 days for it to process. It's teh suxxorz...
So, it's still snowing, light poofy stuff, and it's been doing it all day long. Meaning I have to go to bed soon and wake up early again, to do the entire plant tomorrow. After snow shoveling, I can join the on-site crew and do on-site crap, making overtime if I stay late.
Later folks.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Ah, a little sharing is nice.
What if I were to say that I might be moving out this spring with a girl I like?
Now now, it's more complicated than you think, and full of misunderstandings. So hold on, while I explain the situation. Get those dirty thoughts out of your head! (For shame!)
The daughter of my mothers roommate, Jamie, needs a dependable roommate to move out with her this spring. She's finally had it, being cooped up at home. So have I.
So... she's asked me to maybe move out with her this spring, and help her get her own life set up.
What can I say? I'm touched that anyone would think I'm reliable and dependable enough to count on in such a situation. Plus, it would be great to have a roommate that's mature and dependable for once as well.
So I said yes, and hush hush, keeping the plans from all our households members for now. They have, after all, always in the past stood in the way of massive plans and ideas time and time again in the past.
Jamie is nearly 20, making money through blood and sweat at work (we work together at the plants by the way), and gets along with me quite comfortably.
I trust her to live her life the way she wants it, without crushing my own goals in the process.
Tired of younger siblings and the constant power struggle between her as an adult and the other adults in this house, she desperately needs a place to call her own, to live her own life.
This is just one of the many plans I've made over the last 6 months or so. It's very hush hush, and something I've been able to keep under wraps for quite some time now. Heh, aren't I the sneaky little devil? Even Laurie doesn't have a clue what's being planned right now. I hate to be so devious, but the women I live with are so snoopy and nosy that they'll ruin the plans by being too invasive and involved. It has to be done without their interference, or else it won't be that liberating first-time feeling of leaving home behind. Jamie wants it her way, she just wants me to gaurantee that it can happen. Every other roommate she's tried to get in the past has done nothing but disappoint her. I can't let that happen.
So... In the late spring, I'll most likely be moving out with her (unless she gets a better roommate/reliable boyfriend). Which means I have to start saving those bucks of mine.
I'm working at the chemical plants right now. In order to weasle my way into the Labour Pool, I had to rejoin my old company, G.S. Landscaping. No big deal. I don't have to Manwatch anymore (supervising the lives of others in dangerous areas or situations). That's always a plus.
Now that I have more job experience and worldly knowledge, I don't feel trapped there. It pays decent (not too shabby by the way), is close to home (in case I break down, I can still walk or bike), and I'm innately familiar with most of the people and the duties involved.
When I returned to Sherritt, you wouldn't believe how many people were surprised and happy to see me return. I'm not lying, but I am somewhat a kind of legend out there. An invincible, bad-ass, hardworking slave that single-handedly earned the undying respect of nearly every authoritive power in this plant. Why? Not through my humble and crafty politicing (well, maybe it was...), but through my own suffering and dedication for all of my duties. The jobs I hated doing, I still excelled and out-performed others. And people knew that. They just never appreciated it until I left.
So now the legend is back, ready to rock and roll, and hit each challenge and task harder than before. Safely, of course...
The amount of improvements in the site so far has seriously impressed me. Safety is top-rate, ethics have gone wayyyy up, even the people I now work with are all awesome.
It may take a while, but I can eventually earn a cushy job as a Sherritt man. Not what I want to settle into for the rest of my life, but it will let me do many things so that I can get the opportunities to do what I want.
I can't focus or even begin on any of my interests or pursuits/goals at home right now. I have no room for an art studio, or work bench, or even to stretch out and have a good night sleep.
While I am able to comfortably live under the rule of two old ladies (Kim and Laurie), Jamie cannot, and while I'm in this household, I can't really do much of anything that I want to do. I have to keep my hobbies, dreams, and everything suppressed until things loosen up here. But things will never loosen up here. We'll always have rules designed to keep 16 year old kids unhappy. I have to follow such rules, and live within a tiny little space in one corner of our house.
If I told Laurie my plans to move, she would guilt trip me (not on purpose of course, but she would still do it), get too involved with Jamies and my decisions, and possibly make dirty jokes and comments regarding us two living alone together. (By the way, Jamie and I are not related legally, by blood, or any family relations whatsoever. I call her my sister, but she's just a girl that lives in my house. Just saying.)
So, secrets, secrets, secrets! You guys sure are lucky that you're not directly involved with my life here at home, there's no threat of you guys hindering my plans, so I can safely tell you a few things.
Anyways, this is just the tip of the iceburg that is my life. Hope ya like this blog update. There'll be more soon enough, so hurry up and wait, right?
P.S. : No. None of you old farts can move in with us. Ever.
Muahahaha! ^_^
Now now, it's more complicated than you think, and full of misunderstandings. So hold on, while I explain the situation. Get those dirty thoughts out of your head! (For shame!)
The daughter of my mothers roommate, Jamie, needs a dependable roommate to move out with her this spring. She's finally had it, being cooped up at home. So have I.
So... she's asked me to maybe move out with her this spring, and help her get her own life set up.
What can I say? I'm touched that anyone would think I'm reliable and dependable enough to count on in such a situation. Plus, it would be great to have a roommate that's mature and dependable for once as well.
So I said yes, and hush hush, keeping the plans from all our households members for now. They have, after all, always in the past stood in the way of massive plans and ideas time and time again in the past.
Jamie is nearly 20, making money through blood and sweat at work (we work together at the plants by the way), and gets along with me quite comfortably.
I trust her to live her life the way she wants it, without crushing my own goals in the process.
Tired of younger siblings and the constant power struggle between her as an adult and the other adults in this house, she desperately needs a place to call her own, to live her own life.
This is just one of the many plans I've made over the last 6 months or so. It's very hush hush, and something I've been able to keep under wraps for quite some time now. Heh, aren't I the sneaky little devil? Even Laurie doesn't have a clue what's being planned right now. I hate to be so devious, but the women I live with are so snoopy and nosy that they'll ruin the plans by being too invasive and involved. It has to be done without their interference, or else it won't be that liberating first-time feeling of leaving home behind. Jamie wants it her way, she just wants me to gaurantee that it can happen. Every other roommate she's tried to get in the past has done nothing but disappoint her. I can't let that happen.
So... In the late spring, I'll most likely be moving out with her (unless she gets a better roommate/reliable boyfriend). Which means I have to start saving those bucks of mine.
I'm working at the chemical plants right now. In order to weasle my way into the Labour Pool, I had to rejoin my old company, G.S. Landscaping. No big deal. I don't have to Manwatch anymore (supervising the lives of others in dangerous areas or situations). That's always a plus.
Now that I have more job experience and worldly knowledge, I don't feel trapped there. It pays decent (not too shabby by the way), is close to home (in case I break down, I can still walk or bike), and I'm innately familiar with most of the people and the duties involved.
When I returned to Sherritt, you wouldn't believe how many people were surprised and happy to see me return. I'm not lying, but I am somewhat a kind of legend out there. An invincible, bad-ass, hardworking slave that single-handedly earned the undying respect of nearly every authoritive power in this plant. Why? Not through my humble and crafty politicing (well, maybe it was...), but through my own suffering and dedication for all of my duties. The jobs I hated doing, I still excelled and out-performed others. And people knew that. They just never appreciated it until I left.
So now the legend is back, ready to rock and roll, and hit each challenge and task harder than before. Safely, of course...
The amount of improvements in the site so far has seriously impressed me. Safety is top-rate, ethics have gone wayyyy up, even the people I now work with are all awesome.
It may take a while, but I can eventually earn a cushy job as a Sherritt man. Not what I want to settle into for the rest of my life, but it will let me do many things so that I can get the opportunities to do what I want.
I can't focus or even begin on any of my interests or pursuits/goals at home right now. I have no room for an art studio, or work bench, or even to stretch out and have a good night sleep.
While I am able to comfortably live under the rule of two old ladies (Kim and Laurie), Jamie cannot, and while I'm in this household, I can't really do much of anything that I want to do. I have to keep my hobbies, dreams, and everything suppressed until things loosen up here. But things will never loosen up here. We'll always have rules designed to keep 16 year old kids unhappy. I have to follow such rules, and live within a tiny little space in one corner of our house.
If I told Laurie my plans to move, she would guilt trip me (not on purpose of course, but she would still do it), get too involved with Jamies and my decisions, and possibly make dirty jokes and comments regarding us two living alone together. (By the way, Jamie and I are not related legally, by blood, or any family relations whatsoever. I call her my sister, but she's just a girl that lives in my house. Just saying.)
So, secrets, secrets, secrets! You guys sure are lucky that you're not directly involved with my life here at home, there's no threat of you guys hindering my plans, so I can safely tell you a few things.
Anyways, this is just the tip of the iceburg that is my life. Hope ya like this blog update. There'll be more soon enough, so hurry up and wait, right?
P.S. : No. None of you old farts can move in with us. Ever.
Muahahaha! ^_^
Sunday, November 18, 2007
Weekend Blogging
Holy shit. Usually I have to sign in to access my blog. It's a pain in the ass, especially since I have to type in my full e-mail address along with my long-ass password.
Nope. Not today for some reason. I think the 'remember me' button actually worked for once!
Hi family. And friends. And lurkers, stalkers, assassins, and evil henchmen. I haven't posted for a while. I think I should post something today.
You all know me as a quiet, hidden man. Expressing my real intent, emotions, and thoughts is something I can rarely ever do in person. Usually I can only fully and freely express myself through writing. Hence one of the reasons I hate phone calls so much. I can't communicate the way I want to on a phone.
I have kept so much hidden inside of me my whole entire life that the real me inside is quite possibly barely similar to the full-time mask I have to live with.
Here's a quick emo moment folks, as I explain a little.
In the past, living in my household, I was taught early to suppress my creative and wild side. Emotions and ideas were not supported. In fact, if I didn't conform and act as a broken child, I would have made life on myself and my mother far worse than it was.
It's only natural that after a life-time of wearing a mask and keeping my feelings hidden, that as an adult I am unable to fully express myself.
Many of my qualities and traits, such as my basic ethics, compassion, heartfelt honesty, and my other virtues still shine through, despite my attempts at blending in and disappearing into the crowd. If I'm unseen, I can't be attacked, right? well, that used to be my belief.
Since I was 16-17, right before I moved away from home for the first time, I've been slowly trying to heal myself. My stutter is all but gone, I can look strangers in the eye and have pride and courage in myself. I can state my opinions and beliefs and be strong enough to maintain them. I can kind of feel happiness, and possibly hope, for a better tomorrow now.
I have really shaped myself into a better me. I'm still learning how to fully and safely feel my emotions. I can be considered borderline psychopath material, if it wasn't my strong ethics and feelings that keep me from straying.
I have a lot of hidden things to say one day, but it's hard to actually reveal certain things about myself.
I've joined a community where I took a leap and shared some sensitive facts about myself with a group of people I simply love and respect.
I think very soon I can tell you all some important facts about myself, including some of my future goals and beliefs.
Until then, let me sort through my own thoughts and reveal bit by bit what I feel that I can.
So much to tell, so little faith and trust...
It's easy for others to accidentally reveal little tidbits of sensitive information which can somehow land in the wrong hands and come back to bite me in the ass.
Even my own family...
Secrets! Secrets! I have lots of secrets!
Heh heh. ^_^
I'll share some of them soon enough.
Hugs and kisses family. See ya soon.
Nope. Not today for some reason. I think the 'remember me' button actually worked for once!
Hi family. And friends. And lurkers, stalkers, assassins, and evil henchmen. I haven't posted for a while. I think I should post something today.
You all know me as a quiet, hidden man. Expressing my real intent, emotions, and thoughts is something I can rarely ever do in person. Usually I can only fully and freely express myself through writing. Hence one of the reasons I hate phone calls so much. I can't communicate the way I want to on a phone.
I have kept so much hidden inside of me my whole entire life that the real me inside is quite possibly barely similar to the full-time mask I have to live with.
Here's a quick emo moment folks, as I explain a little.
In the past, living in my household, I was taught early to suppress my creative and wild side. Emotions and ideas were not supported. In fact, if I didn't conform and act as a broken child, I would have made life on myself and my mother far worse than it was.
It's only natural that after a life-time of wearing a mask and keeping my feelings hidden, that as an adult I am unable to fully express myself.
Many of my qualities and traits, such as my basic ethics, compassion, heartfelt honesty, and my other virtues still shine through, despite my attempts at blending in and disappearing into the crowd. If I'm unseen, I can't be attacked, right? well, that used to be my belief.
Since I was 16-17, right before I moved away from home for the first time, I've been slowly trying to heal myself. My stutter is all but gone, I can look strangers in the eye and have pride and courage in myself. I can state my opinions and beliefs and be strong enough to maintain them. I can kind of feel happiness, and possibly hope, for a better tomorrow now.
I have really shaped myself into a better me. I'm still learning how to fully and safely feel my emotions. I can be considered borderline psychopath material, if it wasn't my strong ethics and feelings that keep me from straying.
I have a lot of hidden things to say one day, but it's hard to actually reveal certain things about myself.
I've joined a community where I took a leap and shared some sensitive facts about myself with a group of people I simply love and respect.
I think very soon I can tell you all some important facts about myself, including some of my future goals and beliefs.
Until then, let me sort through my own thoughts and reveal bit by bit what I feel that I can.
So much to tell, so little faith and trust...
It's easy for others to accidentally reveal little tidbits of sensitive information which can somehow land in the wrong hands and come back to bite me in the ass.
Even my own family...
Secrets! Secrets! I have lots of secrets!
Heh heh. ^_^
I'll share some of them soon enough.
Hugs and kisses family. See ya soon.
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